It seems perfectly fitting to be posting about womanhood the day after Mother’s Day. Being a mother is truly something, you begin making choices for the wellbeing of someone else way before your baby even arrives. It’s remarkable and I cannot wait to be part of this superwoman mother gang someday, but for now allow me to share a different side of womanhood, perhaps one that might be a little less glorified but equally amazing in it’s own way.
I grew up in a relatively traditional Chinese household. Ideally for my father it was best that I stay single all through my school years and then miraculously find a great man to marry once I am done with school. Which leaves me wondering how am I suppose to find said man if I wasn’t allow to date in the first place?
Well naturally like most rebellious teenagers, I of course didn’t listen. I starting dating my first boyfriend when I was 18 and since then I’ve mostly stumbled in and out of relationships never truly giving myself some time to be single.
In 2015 September I ended a relationship of 3 and a half years and I finally made the conscious decision that I am going to stay single for a little while. It was a rather interesting choice to most, especially since everyone around me are either married, getting married or worrying about not being married.
I was determined that it was time to be a little selfish, to learn to love myself a little more.
Truthfully if we didn’t know how to love ourselves, how do we ever expect to love someone else? To even know what it is that our love wants & need?
What do we need to love whole heartedly and to receive with an open and grateful heart?
Since I can remember as kids, we were always taught to share, to love and care for others which is all amazing but how often are we told or given permission to love ourselves? Like truly love ourselves; like wake up and tell yourself that ‘I’m worthy simply because I am!’, with no condition?
I believe we are not design to be alone and I have every desire to have a family, to have lots and lots of kids (4 to be exact 😂) but to do that I also want to know that I am constantly working to be the best version of myself, to know that I can love myself as a single entity. To trust that I alone holds the choice of my happiness, that it is not dependant on anyone else.
I’ve heard people say that they’ve found their other half or the person that completes them; well I am just looking for someone that will love me completely and reminds me to do some the same for them everyday.
‘Understanding is the other name of love. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.’ Which That Hanh
I am a single girl, that’s something that is what I am right now but it’s not who I am. Whatever labels is associated to where I am in my life right now are all labels; none more ‘real’ or holds more ‘truth’ to another. They are part of my existence but they are not who I am and most certainly not what defines me.
Whether you are a mother, single, married or whatever you choose to be we are all worthy of love, it is not something that needs to be earned. The choices we make in life doesn’t make us any more or any us worthy, we are all deserving.
with love & quirks,